Behind The Glass
by Dmarx
Summary: Lanie did say that there's no time like the present and, well, this may not be the right time, considering that he's headed off on another date, but it's their time, and Kate is going to make sure that Castle knows that. Set post-4x20.


_Summary: Lanie did say that there's no time like the present and, well, this may not be the right time, considering that he's headed off on another date, but it's their time, and Kate is going to make sure that Castle knows that._

_Author's Note: I've written this scene so many times, but then the writers continue to amaze me, and I keep coming up with alternate scenarios of how it should go, so...here's my latest idea._

_Disclaimer: The Castle writers probably didn't have to clean 6 inches of snow off their cars this morning._

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><p><strong>Behind The Glass<strong>

"Well, that's a good close...I'm heading out," Castle announced, wearing the fake smile that had taken up residence on his face as of late. The one that said, 'of course I'm happy to be here, even though I'd rather be out on a date with my new favorite lady.' The one that all of the detectives could see right through, no matter how well he thought he was maintaining the facade of being unhurt by recent events.

"Castle?"

He whirled around, phone already in his hand, probably texting his latest large-breasted, blonde flavor of the day.

"Yeah?" he answered without looking up.

"Can we talk for a sec?"

He held up his phone, lifted his eyes in her general direction. "Sorry, I've gotta go."

"Castle!"

Kate was out of her chair and twisting his ear painfully before he could even react, unwilling to be blown off once again. Three times, she had tried to ask what was wrong, start a conversation in which she could reveal her feelings. And three times, he had brushed her off, claiming that he had other plans.

Well, this time he was not going to get to use that excuse.

"Ow, ow, apples, geez," he managed, fumbling his phone back into his coat pocket.

Kate grabbed his arm with her other hand, gripping the crook of his elbow firmly, and dragged him after her.

"What the hell?" he protested as he stumbled along next to her. She was on a mission, that was for sure. And he had a feeling he was not going to like it.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on with you," she snapped, her tone biting but determined.

"What do you mean?"

Kate shoved him into the nearest interrogation room, shut the door and rounded on him.

"What's going on, Castle?"

"Nothing."

Kate folded her arms, fixed him with the disbelieving look she usually reserved for suspects. "Oh really? Then why are you suddenly going on two dates a day? Why does it seem like you don't really want to be here anymore? Why do you keep looking at me like I'm some horrible person?"

"Because you are," he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," he backtracked quickly, eyes darting around, contemplating his easiest escape route. "Look, Beckett, I really have to go."

She stepped in front of the door, leaned against it. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."

He snorted. "Well, that's ironic."

"Castle!"

He recoiled at the way she spat his name, sank into a chair, gave in. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Why you're suddenly acting like a different person."

He shrugged. "I'm not."

She advanced on him, glaring at him across the table. "Castle, I'm a detective. You really think I don't notice?"

"If you're so smart, then why can't you figure out what the problem is?"

Kate huffed an irritated sigh, both at him for his stubbornness and herself for not being able to understand what she had done. "Look, I obviously did something so upset you, but I can't fix it if I don't know what it is."

She could see the defeat in his eyes as he spoke his next words, voice quiet and resigned. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes is does," she exclaimed, well aware that she sounded desperate, but so beyond caring. "Because I miss my partner, and I want him back."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have stabbed him in the heart with a knife."

Kate stepped back in shock. "What?"

He just glared at her, eyes heavy, barely-masked pain swirling in their cobalt depths.

"I...what did I do, Castle?" she asked softly, bending down so that her hands rested on the table.

For the first time since they started the conversation, he looked at her, truly looked at her, taking in the pain in her eyes that looked strangely similar to his own.

"You really don't know?"

She shook her head sadly. "No."

"You lied," he accused, not bothering to sugar coat it. There was no point in beating around the bush, not with the current status quo.

"I..."

"For ten months."

Oh. Well, there was really only one thing he could be referring to. The only question was...

"How did you know?"

"It doesn't matter," he retorted icily, the bitterness seeping back into his voice, hardening his features. "It just matters that it happened."

"And did you ever think to, I don't know, confront me?" Kate snapped, feeling her own emotions rising back to the surface.

"What was I supposed to say?" he asked just as angrily. "Obviously my feelings don't matter to you, so I'm moving on. I'm over it."

His words hit her like a punch to the gut, and the pain spread through her chest right to her heart when he stood and made for the door again. He did not love her anymore. He was leaving.

But if he had no feelings for her, then why was he so angry?

"Castle."

She backed up, blocking his path.

"Good bye."

"No!" she grabbed his arm, shoved him against the wall near the door, stopping his progress. "No. You do _not_ get to run off without hearing my side of the story."

"Please, Beckett, I'd appreciate it if I could at least retain some of my dignity."

He tried to wriggle out of her grasp, nearly succeeded before her words brought him to a halt. He froze, still pressed into the wall by her hand on his bicep, his eyes directed at the floor while hers fixated on his face, pleaded with him to understand.

"I lied because I didn't know how to handle your words. I was with Josh and I'd almost died and I was a mess and...and you _loved_ me, but you deserved so much better. And I...I've been working every day since then to...to be better. To...I'm so bad at this," she trailed off, hesitating.

No.

She was going to finish this, because sounding like a bumbling idiot in front of Castle was a small price to pay in comparison to losing him altogether. And she was well aware that this was her last chance.

She took a deep breath, continued. "I wanted to be better, for you. I wanted to be someone who deserves your love. And I wanted to be able to give to you what you've given to me."

Kate lifted her other hand so both rested on his shoulders. "I'm so sorry," she said softly. "I know I shouldn't have lied. But...I never meant for things to end like this. I'm really sorry."

Castle dropped his head, wiped a hand over his face.

"I thought..."

"I know," Kate said. "And I can't exactly blame you for that."

"But I...I assumed and...well, you know what they say. I did a pretty good job of being an ass."

"I probably deserved it," she admitted. "And if you're still mad and you still hate me and you walk out of here right now, I wouldn't blame you."

Kate felt her throat closing up, her chest constricting at the mere thought of him leaving, but she knew that if he chose that course of action, it would not be completely unjustified.

"I don't hate you," he said softly, still resolutely not meeting her eyes. "I never hated you. I tried, Kate. I flew to Vegas, I went on dates, I tried to pretend I didn't care, but I can't. I just...I love you so much."

The words poured out of him automatically, and only when she stiffened, her hand gripping his shoulder, did Castle realize what he had said.

"I..."

Kate trailed one hand up to his jaw, tilting his chin up so that their eyes met. "I love you, too."

"You..."

"I love you," she whispered again, eyes wide and clear, searching his hopefully. It was the most open he had ever seen her, her love for him radiating from her entire body. She was looking at him so tenderly, caressing his jaw with her thumb, the corners of her mouth turned up slightly. "It scares me, Castle. I've never felt like this before, and I'm terrified of losing you. I'm afraid I'm going to do something stupid and tear us apart." She laughed self-depricatingly. "I guess I just did that."

"You didn't," he said finally. "I won't lie and say I'm not mad and I'm not still hurt, because I am. But we're still here, right? Still together."

Silence fell as they digested each other's words, adjusted to the open admissions of love and hurt and the vortex of feelings swirling around them, sucking them in.

"Does this mean I get my partner back?" she asked eventually.

Castle's hands came to rest on her waist, squeezing gently. "You never lost him."

Kate allowed herself to smile as her arms came to rest around his neck, pulling him to her and wrapping him up in a hug. He returned the gesture and they clung to each other, allowing the reality to wash over them. They were okay. The bumps in the road were far from over, but they were here and they were together and if they could tear each other's hearts out and end up like this, then they could make it through anything.

"Say it again," he whispered, lips brushing the shell of her ear.

"I love you," she murmured, pressing a kiss to the skin of his neck, making him shiver.

"God, Kate," he groaned, pulling back to meet her eyes. He leaned in then, unable to stop himself, and brushed the softest of kisses across her lips. "I love you, too."

Castle rested his forehead against hers as they separated, breathing her in, feeling her breath washing over his skin.

"How did you find out?" she asked softly once her heart rate had returned to normal. Or, well, normal for when Castle was in close proximity.

"During the bomb case. I heard you interrogating Bobby."

Kate flashed back to the interrogation room...this very room, in fact...and the things she had said. Oh. Oh. That.

"Shit," she said almost to herself. "I didn't know you were here."

"I'd just shown up."

"That's why you left my coffee. That's why..." she trailed off. It was all coming together now. His caustic remarks. His seeming indifference. The stupid blondes he'd been flaunting the last week and a half. "And you thought...that I didn't feel the same."

"Yeah."

"I'm such an idiot," she said, shaking her head.

"So am I."

"I'm really sorry."

"So am I."

"Are we good now?"

He looked at her, eyes piercing but still housing hints of uncertainty. "Promise me that next time I say something that scares you, you won't run?"

Kate nodded. "I won't. And next time we fight, you won't rush out to find a date?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't. Didn't work anyways."

Kate smiled faintly. "So we're okay?"

"We are."

She leaned in first this time, kissed him soundly on the mouth, holding nothing back. He froze in shock at first before realizing that Kate Beckett was kissing him, really kissing him, and he should probably kiss her back.

"Come home with me?" she said shyly when they finally pulled apart for air.

"Of course," he breathed. "Let me just..." he fished his phone out of his pocket, grimaced as he spoke the next words, "cancel my other date."

She stepped back, gave him a gentle shove towards the door of the interrogation room, but the way the corners of her mouth were turned up belied any annoyance she was trying to convey. "Go...do what you need to do."

"No more dates," he reaffirmed. "Unless, you know, they're with you."

Kate smiled broadly, caught him by the belt loop and pulled him back to her. She pressed her body against his, chest to chest, leaving no doubt as to her intentions, and when she spoke, her voice was low and sultry.

"Come home with me tonight, and tomorrow I'll let you take me out on a date."

A date with Kate Beckett? Tomorrow?

Yeah, he was very much okay with that.

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><p><strong>THE END<strong>

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


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